Wicked
by Revan Sama
Summary: He won't listen to my words because I am weaker. He won't even look at me because to him, my existence is sickening. To the beautiful god of the force, I am just a mere wicked toy. LSM/DSM Revan and LSM exile friendship
1. Acknowledgement

_Perfect_

Revan was perfect. I knew this more than anyone.

Not because I was his general

Not because I was his one-sided friend.

Because I watch…I watched him from far away.

One remains in the shadow.

Only one remains in a single sunny spot.

The young prodigy was beautiful in form. At thirteen his frame was still slender. His very long black hair were beauty itself and his silver eyes were a true gift of a goddess. The body of a child with the power and experience of a battle god. The grace of a feline and the skills of a true genius. A dream inside reality. His face, when he slept, was angelic; the dark smudges and lines of exhaustion smoothed away, and long lashes brushed soft cheeks. When you couldn't see his eyes, Revan looked as innocent and peaceful as a child of heaven.

Revan's mind was as perfect as his body. Analytical, intelligent, observant. Revan was sharper, smarter, faster than men with two or three times his age and experience. You could see it in his eyes; too knowing, cold and arrogant for a young Jedi. Too ancient in pain and sadness and malice.

I can't help but marvel and worship this young man who was everything I wanted to be.  
He, who has accomplished many things for all the people, for our civilization, for the Republic.  
He, who was born to be the savior of all being and to bear all the sins of all worlds in this ocean of stars. How can one not admire him for all his hard work and for his magnificent own sense of justice.

He was the perfect Jedi.

However for myself it's another story.

I was the failure of the Jedi Order, the one who couldn't use a Light saber or the Force very well as everyone in the order. I wasn't a genius like Revan, I was what the others called me: the dead last. But even so I didn't give up, I started to train myself alone and sometimes with Atris. I started to train harder and harder to be at his level, I wanted to be acknowledged by only him. Maybe this will seems selfish but…At the beginning I wanted to be acknowledged by Revan so I could have a better rang in the Jedi Order.

One day when I was at the training room alone, depressed because I failed again at something, I realized that I wasn't alone in the room. I turned around to look at him. Just a second glance I saw that he was a Jedi knight. I saw it on the way he walked, the way he snapped up on things around him and the way he did not look back at me. How could that be possible I thought. He was younger than me…I have five years more than him so I was surprised. Then, like the foolish idiot I was, I challenged him. And worst, I said everything to him, all my old thoughts of him, how it was unfair that everyone praised him, how he was treated special and that he knew nothing of the hard work and hardship I have endured. After I finished I was ashamed of myself, how could I have the nerve to say all those things to him. I mean it all but still this was very immature.

Now he has every right not to fight me and even before. After a few moment of silence I heard a small chuckled. What? Was he…mocking me? How dare he? And before I could answered he said "So you envy me…like everyone." That was not a query, that was a statement. "I mean…I know I am perfect and special but it can't be helped you know." That arrogant little… "What I don't understand is why…why everyone think I am the only one special."…What? "Maybe it's because they can't see it." Then he sight and said with a gentle smile. "When people admire others it's because they can see what make them special." "You don't see it but I can see it…What make YOU special." "I am perfect and you too but in our different way." "If you want to be acknowledged for who you are and if you want to win against me, you have to work harder than what you do now." And after that he left.

He…He was so different. From what I have heard he was very arrogant and pretentious. But to think that he thought of me as special…That someone like me could…

Before he left I said "Wait…What…What is your name?"  
And always with that gentle smile he wore he answered to my question.  
At this moment I knew the name of the center of my attention

"Revan."


	2. Denial

_Though I kept my hands clean, they look dirty.  
Before I doubt my memory, my memory will doubt me.  
We will meet each other for sure,  
making our identical heartbeats into our landmarks.  
When we build a cross on our different submerged motives.  
We will fulfill our promise.  
We will become one._

Irresponsibly ruthless word filled the room. The Jedi council room. Revan was trying to convince the council that we couldn't stay like this forever. The Mandalorian has attacked a few worlds of the republic and they asked for the Jedi's help but…

"Do you even realize what you are doing? Or should I say 'Not' doing."

"Watch your tongue when you speak to the Jedi council, young Padawan." Said an angry Master Vrook.

"Oh…? Is that anger I sense in your words Master Vrook, I thought Jedi couldn't feel anger…That mean you must have become more human, congratulation."

"WHAT? YOU…"

"That enough Master Vrook!"

Finally, I was glad that Master Vandar has decided to put an end to this charade and get to the point.

"Revan, we understand the gravity of the situation but we can't just take it so lightly."

"Lightly? Master, do you realize that while we are talking and being safe here, many people are dying and suffering. All we need is to…"

"Go off to war? We fight only when it's necessary if we fight now we will lose many Jedi and we feel that the real problem is elsewhere…"

"So we let just innocents die while we meditate on the real problem?"

"We will help the republic but with time and patience and not with a war."

"I see…so this is your last word? If this is the way of the Jedi then…"

"Revan?"

"Forget it, I am wasting my time."

After that, he left the room into silence. I must admit that I have never seen him so angry. I knew how he felt though, the Mandalorian were a treat to all live in the galaxy we can't just stand there without doing something about it and this was not war, this is self defense.

A few days later, Revan decided to talk to all the Jedi in the order, many were with him and decided that it was time to fight.

I was one of them.

The entrance of Revan and his Jedi into the war marked its turning point. Revan's clever military strategies and tactics coupled with Malak's courage and fiery determination saw the pair becoming the foremost heroes of the conflict. Claiming victory time after time, they were propelled through the ranks of the Republic military and were eventually given direct control of a full third of the Republic's fleet. With his newfound authority, Revan spearheaded the Republic war effort and began to steadily push the Mandalorians back.

We were unstoppable and we were going win the war.

Or so…that was what I thought.

Everything was fine until we went to…'that' place.

Malachor V.

What I saw there, what I felt there was unbelievable.

Overseeing the final battle at Malachor V, I gave the order to activate the Mass Shadow Generator, when it was clear that the bulk of the Republic's forces, led by Revan would not arrive in time to engage the massed Mandalorian armada. I watched silently from the bridge of my command ship as the generator crushed both the Republic and Mandalorian forces caught in its destructive wake. The ensuing death and destruction, particularly that of the comrades I had led, and befriended, during the war caused such a substantial wound in the Force that the shock would have killed me had I not unconsciously, and instinctively, severed my own connection to the Force.

The man who I believed in, the man who was a hero of the republic, my only lord…has turned his back on me and all the people who had joined him.

He felt into the Dark Side.

…

Are you going to return to us my lord? Or…Was everything really unimportant?

Every time we spent training together, every time we spoke to each other…was meaningless?

Was I just a tool for your own motives?

Everything I believed until now…was destroyed by Revan.

…

My front teeth bit into my pouting bottom lip, which was chapped and bleeding. I could not even begin to count the tombstones. There were plenty more than I have guessed there would be. Seeing them was almost overwhelming… All of them, gone.

And all by the hand of…

I don't even want to think of his name…or mine.

I remember the last time I saw him, I should have know…something was different.

He said_** "**__**A Jedi is a Jedi, first and foremost, and only. For a Jedi to divide his attention between the will of the Force and the will of others is to invite disaster.**__**"**_

"_**Each Jedi was expected to remove as many external distractions from his or her life as possible. For that reason, the Order only accepted potential Padawans while they were still young children; they were too young to have already formed strong relationships and forbidden them forming attached relationships later in life."**_

"_**That why…"**_

"_**I will leave you behind, for where I go, you will only be a burden."**_

"_**Beside, after what will happen here…you will eventually die on your own."**_

You knew…

Revan…

My grip on my arms tightened, fingers digging painfully into the fabric of my white Jedi robe. The beautiful, pure _perfect _untainted white that was the color of death, showing just how pale my own skin was, not dissimilar to that of a corpse.

I have heard people refer me as the only Jedi left alive… That was a laugh.

I am just the biggest coward in all the galaxy.

A choked sob escaped my throat, tears one again welling up at the corners of my blue eyes. The innocent spark once alight within them was dead and their surface glazed and glassy, dark bags hanging heavy under my eyes from my lack of sleep. Every night my graphic and surreal dreams came back full force, doing me a fate worse than death, and when I woke up alone in the Jedi academy of Corusant before I was exiled, shivering and afraid, there was no one to make it go away, and…

"_There is no emotion, there is peace."_

I was just the tool, the toy of the wicked.

"_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge."_

I failed to understand him.

"_There is no chaos, there is harmony."_

Revan…

"_There is no death, there is the Force."_

This friendship

_..._

What a horrible lie.


End file.
